The Mirror Lies

There is something that many people don't talk about (or at least not that I have seen much of) when discussing weight loss and transformation. It is something that I have been thinking about for the past week or so after getting another "you're too skinny - stop losing weight" comment. Now, I've had a lot of that over the last couple of months not to mention the countless "how much more are you trying to lose" "eat something" and even one "anorexic" comments. Luckily those closest to me know that this isn't about weight loss anymore. I have reiterated that countless times but some people actually get it. Or at least don't hassle me about the weight. And I know that it may be a bit of a shock for some people who haven't seen me in a while. I haven't looked like this in 17 years (and when I was this weight 17 years ago it wasn't healthy - this time it is, wish I had pictures to compare the two) so most of the time I can shake off the comments and know that I eat enough, its 95% clean, I'm putting only healthy things into my body and getting good results in return, and I'm working hard to get the desired physique I am after. On the flip side I saw someone last night that I hadn't seen in a really long time and right off the bat the comment was "wow you look amazing, are you working out every day?" and I took pride in that.

Why these comments get to me though are because when I look into the mirror, I see something completely different even though I know I do all the right things - When I look in the mirror I can see the muscle definition coming out, the abs starting to pop, my arms and shoulders taking on a nice shape and lets face it - my butt looks pretty ok too...but then I see the stretch marks. The scars from my breast reduction. The saggy skin around my belly. I still see the fat girl. This is something that I need to get past. This is one of those things that no matter how clean you eat, or what you do in the gym, or what you hear from other people your own image can be a mental hurdle. This isn't applicable just to those of us transforming either - but making such a drastic change is hard when your head doesn't catch up with the rest of the body.

I am learning - slowly - to change my way of thinking but it is not easy. I have never been good at the self confidence thing. I know that the journey will never really be over and that I have to take every triumph as it comes - and maybe one day I will be able to see the fit over the fat. Today won't be that day but like everything else hard work and dedication will get me there...eventually ...