The 100k Transformation Challenge - A Beginning

Growing up I was never fat, or thin. I was average, typical, normal...tall-ish but regular. I played sports in elementary and middle school, and in highschool I veered more towards the theater. I never gave much thought to my weight, my body, what I was eating or what fit was. And then I had my first child. I gained 50 lbs, and only lost 20 afterwards. Of course then I knew that the body I had before had been pretty smokin' .... still, it wasn't enough to make me think about nutrition or fitness. I didn't eat poorly all the time, and I have always loved veggies so it was never a chore to get those down, but I also loved chicken wings by myself on a saturday night at 1030. And drinking. I LOVED drinking. It's what you do in a university town - you hit the pub, or patio, or bar or danceclub. i worked in one for crying out loud!! And what better after a night of work then to chill with a few drinks and some food...Not to mention being a single mom with little money for food in the early days (but always had enough for drinks!!) groceries were quick and easy. Time passed and while I always sort of bemoaned my figure, I was also stoked that I finally for once had BOOBS! And guys liked them!! As long as they looked good in a shirt and I was getting noticed it didn't matter that they came with extra everything else...hips, thighs, bum...Child two came along 8 years later and I gained back the 20 I had lost with my first (if you're keeping count we are now back up 50) and I stayed there after the birth and for a while afterwards. Second child + boobs = sagging and sore back so I ended up having a reduction. I was a DD and went down to a small C and was thrilled that it cost me a few pounds...but the lifestyle of the late night food, the drinking, not paying attention to my weight caught up with me and I was over 200 lbs in no time flat. The first time I realized that I was over 200 I did what seemed to make sense...portion control, exercise a few times a week, buying low calorie, low fat food. And it worked - to a degree. I lost 30 lbs, I felt better, I was walking my dog on a regular basis, and it was healthy time spent with my then boyfriend. Things sort of went downhill come the fall and following winter when it was too cold to walk or ride bikes, and it was back to snacking at night, drinking, and after-bar food runs. The second time I realized that I was over 200 and higher than I had ever been, I decided to do something about it. We had a biggest loser competition at work so I dug in and started competing. I was attending a bootcamp run by a woman at work, I was learning about eating properly - about actual nutrition and was introduced to clean eating. I didn't follow it too closely and ultimately that was what kept my loss at bay for so long, but I still didn't understand that nutrition was 80% of the formula. That came after time...when I was stalling on the weightloss even though I was eating way better. And why when the weight was coming off, I wasn't getting the definition I saw in the magazines. It was a long journey - those first 50 lbs, and I didn't hit that goal until after I started this 100k challenge. I had been inspired by one of my highschool besties to join the challenge and it was exactly what I needed to reignite my motivation and willpower...I had been slowly creeping back up in weight over the late fall and early winter...THIS is what I needed! I knew I wanted to start Jamie Eason's Livefit Program again ( I had made it about halfway through the year prior) and this was the best opportunity as my bud was doing it too. I had made the commitment to eat clean, I was inspired by my daughters Lenten promise to give up chocolate and I did the same, and it very quickly went from chocolate to most processed sugars and has far surpassed just the Lenten season. I stopped drinking early in to the program and I started planning my meals, and everything just fell into place!! I have been able to go out with friends and not crave a drink. I can go to restaurants and choose clean foods. I can look work-cake and goodies in the eye and not even crave it. I even served pizza and cake and icecream at my daughters birthday and didn't even lick a finger! I took my food inspiration from Jamie Eason and Alaina Burger - I don't follow it to a T - which I completely understand has affected some of my progress, but what I am doing now is so far from what I was doing before. And it will only improve the more I learn and experiment with. I started Livefit a few days after the challenge so I still have a few left to go before I consider this first challenge actually complete, but I have made it so much further than before. On the days where I couldn't do the exact workout, I have made adjustments, added something else, done something I missed that evening or the following day, or switched up rest days, and can say that technically I have not missed one workout. The gym I go to is very busy at night and my mornings are limited time wise so often I have had to break workouts up between am and what I could do at home in the pm, and supersets/circuits have been difficult due to sheer volume at the gym and availability of space and the machines - not to mention I can be pretty unassuming and shy in public so a lot of time I just felt uncomfortable. But that will change, it *is* changing - every day. So again, I know that this has only affected my progress but this is my beginning, I am so much better than I was, and it just keeps going! I finally appreciate and desire fit over skinny, I am down over 15 lbs since Christmas, at least 10 of those since the challenge, my bodyfat is down, I have lost inches in my waist and thighs, my hair is shiny, I have definition that I have never seen before in my arms, legs, my BUTT!!! I have even found muscles in my face that I didn't know I had! This Challenge has truly been the best thing to happen to me, and I may not be the skinniest, or the fittest, or the most knowledgeable contestant but I will be damned if I am not one of the most motivated to keep this going!!

Rain.

It rained today. It always rains on this day. For the last 21 years. Rain. Maybe it rained for years before then too, but I wouldn't have remembered that. To be honest maybe there have been years since that it hasn't but in my head - always the rain. I remember saying goodbye that day. I remember the phone call. I remember it all. The days following; searching for my best friend with teems of people, the press, the detectives coming to my house. My family being there for me and being afraid with me. I remember the weeks following; her body being found, the clip on the news of a body bag on a stretcher, trying to figure out how to live each day afterwards. I remember the months following; dealing with the loss, the arrests, the evidence, the rumours and finding out what kind of horrific people are really out there in the world...in my world. I remember the years following; every single year. Without her. Learning to drive - without her. Graduating highschool - without her. Dealing with boys - without her. University, jobs, kids...all without her.  Thinking about what her life would have been like, her career, her relationships, her husband, her children. A son maybe that looked like dad but had her mischievous brown eyes that were always laughing. A daughter who would be her spitting image, beautiful shining brown hair, and of course she would be on figure skates as soon as she could walk.Maybe even what my life would have been like with her.  I don't allow these thoughts often - getting caught up in the past leaves little room for the future.Most days she will cross my mind, and it is a reminder of our friendship, and that she is always with me, like a little bubble of sunlight bursting around me.  But on these anniversaries, or the occasional news story, and when some random memory of the tragedy forces its way to the surface I let it overtake me. Maybe for a few seconds...a few minutes...a day...even if the sun is shining, I turn to face the rain.

My Own Worst Critic

As I near the end of my first 12 week transformation challenge, I started wondering "what next?" What will I do as the next step on my journey to a better me?? I realize I work pretty well with challenges, a deadline, (and a chance to win some cash) so I entered the BSN Summer Shred Challenge on BBCom. I am currently finishing up the 10k Transformation challenge with them and it was a great motivator to get me started. One of the contest requirements is that you post before pictures of yourself at the beginning of the 12 contest weeks. I had fallen out of practice of posting progress pictures from the first challenge so this was a great chance for me to get caught up and see the changes from the beginning of the first challenge that I entered near the end of January.

I hesitated posting these pictures here...I mean they are horrible and I am still very self conscious about my body but this is my reality. This is the road I am on and I need to face my challenges and successes equally and head on. Posting them on a relatively anonymous site like BBCom is one thing...but this - where I essentially invite people to gawk at my imperfections and my middlefat...well its daunting. It took me looking at the pictures for a LONG time before I started noticing the little changes. I mean I can feel the changes in my clothes and I can see some definition in my arms when I do things like tie back my hair, but when I look in the mirror I am still seeing the fat, and the stretchmarks and the cottage cheese in my thighs and my butt...I am still seeing the overweight me. But I write this and share these thoughts not to cry 'woe is me' or to get any kind of praise or compliment, but to remind myself that what I see in the mirror today is not what I saw yesterday, and it won't be what I see tomorrow. If I stay on this journey, keep on my path and keep doing the work, those things I see and bemoan will eventually disappear. I didn't put the weight on overnight and it sure as heck won't come off overnight. And even when I was skinny I was never "fit". I may have made it through almost 12 weeks of work so far,  but I am far from done. These first 12 weeks?? This is just my introduction...my prelude to what will be an amazing story.

January 24 2013 vs. April 7 2013

So there you have it. I am baring (almost) all - this is my reality. "I'm not there yet but I am closer than I was yesterday"