blow out the candles

This weekend marks my 38th birthday and our Canadian Thanksgiving. What better time to reflect on where I am in my life and the things in it that I am thankful for.  Now, I am not one to really make much of a fuss about my birthday...but this year is a tad different. I'm still not making a fuss about it but it does have some significance to my journey on a whole...It means I have 2 years to make my goals of competing in a fitness competition (that seems redundant?) by the time I am 40 happen. One of the great things about fitness competitions is that 40 is actually not a stretch age wise by any means. I have 2 years to continue learning and applying the knowledge to my training to dial in my physique naturally, research coaches, learn posing, and make the changes to my diet (as well as training) in a safe and healthy way so that I am not damaging my metabolism, or otherwise harming my body.   Two years seems like a long time but to change your body safely, naturally and effectively time is your best ally. Not to mention 2 years is the end time. If I am ready before that it could happen before that. But it *will* happen by 40. So you can see that I have no issue getting older. I am so much better now than I was 5-10 years ago, and in such a better place mentally, physically and emotionally I can only hope that the upswing continues - and I will do what I can to assist that. I don't miss the partying or excessive drinking to ring in my birthday. Presents are nice and I am grateful for the kindness of my people but I really just like spending time with them - which is especially easy with the proximity of Thanksgiving which brings us to the Top Five Things I Am Thankful For!! (who doesn't love a good Top Five list?

1) It would be easy to say my family and leave it at that. But it's more than just my family. I am thankful for my parents for always supporting me, regardless of the decisions I've made through my lifetime. They allowed me to make my mistakes no matter how painful or frustrating it was to watch, which allowed me to learn and grow and get to this wonderful place I am at today. Still much to learn, but I know they have given me the tools to use the knowledge that comes with the lessons. My brother and sister, for being my bookends; an older sister who maybe didn't carve a path so much for me (hard to do when you're me and insist on going the long route) but was there none the less to bring me back to the main road, and my younger brother for being my protector, from a young age sleeping on his bedroom floor after the haunted house at Prudhommes scared me too much to sleep alone, to present day.  I have many aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins and my dear inlaws (Meaghans dads family) who have shown so much love and support to me and the kids. I could really write an entire book on how much every individual means to me. Maybe one day.

2) Yes my kids get a separate bullet. My son changed my life. As a misguided girl in a bad relationship, he gave me the strength to admit I needed help and to go back to my parents and  start putting my life together. From day one we have been a team. He has grown into a young man I am incredibly proud of that I continue to learn from and we are constantly evolving as a family unit. My daughter completed our little family group. She has always been independent, but it has been a conscious effort to be mindful of the lessons we should be passing on to our daughters so that they grow up to be strong and confident. She changes every day and I can see those changes, whereas with my son every once in a while I get surprised by his maturity. I am happy and thankful that I can be both friends and a parent to both of my children.

3)  I am thankful for being given the opportunity to learn what my body can do and what I am capable of. After years of not really caring about what I was putting into it, and not using it to even a reasonable extent I have finally learned to appreciate what it can do and how it works in relation to how I fuel it. It has given me something I am passionate about and I love sharing with others. The motivation and  inspiration I have received from so many people has further incensed that drive and for the first time I feel like I have direction. (now i just need the funds to go in that direction ha ha)

4) My ladies most specifically, and my friends in general. I know I am pretty much a hermit but they are my link to the outside world. They forgive my absence and they keep me in the loop. The people who message me on a daily basis and bear with me through my rants, raves, and ridiculousness and those who touch base every few months or so. The ones who lift me up and bring me back down to Earth.

5) I am thankful for everyone who has challenged me, because when I have faced a challenge I have retaliated with change. I have learned about myself from the obstacles that I have overcome. My feelings have been hurt, my trust broken, I've been made to question my own self worth. From that my skin has grown thick, my senses sharpened, and I've discovered that regardless of what anyone thinks of me, I am unapologetically  ME. I even make up new words from time to time - like unapologetically.  If I am true to myself, and if I am good to people, even on the days where I may not be at my best, I am still the best me.  

There are many more things I am thankful for; the roof over our heads, the beauty of the changing leaves on the trees, beards, and Bapas Burritos to name a few, but those are my top five...take a few minutes this holiday weekend (yes you too 'Merica) to think about your own, and not just what they are but why they are. And regardless of what number you are celebrating on your next birthday, strive to make that year better than the last...that is what I am going to do.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends and family, and a Happy Columbus Day to my American buds.