What started out as a 12 week fitness challenge has turned into a life-altering series of amazeball moments that I have been so blessed to share with one of my highschool besties...all from 2500 thousand miles away. You may know her from A Racing Heart, if not, check it out...seriously...go now....I'll wait....
Awesome right?! Ok so for the past few months we have sort of thought that this is bigger than just what we were doing for ourselves and spent some time tossing things around...well we took our first step in putting ourselves out there to share our stories and our journeys (similar but so so different) tonight with the launch of IF ... D&E Inspired Fitness and we would super appreciate you stopping in, liking us, supporting us, sharing with us stories of your own journey towards a better life.
We all wonder What IF... We want to make the IF happen!
Sunday 30 June 2013
Saturday 29 June 2013
The Road to Happiness
I was asked the other day how I was able to 'turn things around' and be happy. For anyone who knows me, there was a while where I was cynical, negative and just kind of down more than up. Little wonder the worst of this period of my life coincided with my "fat years". I can't say there was ever really one defining thing that turned me dark so to speak; a combination of relationships, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, financial struggles, and just not really knowing who I was. These things I've struggled with most of my teenage/adult life. My mom likes to say that I did everything the hard way, but hey, I've learned a lot doing it this way and I wouldn't trade any of it because it has gotten me to where I am today. (The funny thing is I don't think anything I have done has been particularly 'hard' and I've always just done what I've needed to do to get by, especially as a single mom. I just do what I have to do. And I have been lucky to always have a great support system and never really know true hardships. I digress...)
Over the last couple of years I found myself falling into ruts. In relationships, socially, and with my health. Everything was the same day in and day out and I allowed myself to get drawn into the downward spiral that these ruts created. It happens to everybody; some people recognize it early on and get out before it gets too bad and other people, like me, just go with it and get sucked in. I am a total 'go with the flow' type person, and when the flow went bad - well so did I. Which isn't to say I was a horrible mean person during this period. But it was hard to think positively, love myself, enjoy the good things going on around me. Not to mention it is far easier to be a suckhole than a ray of sunshine.
So how did I turn it around? Well I am still in the process; It gets easier but I don't think it will ever be something that has a definitive finish line. Not until perhaps at the end of what I hope is a very long life I can sit back and say "Yes, I was happy. Yes, I had a great life." But how did I get to this point now? I needed to make decisions. I had to choose how I wanted to live my life. I have spoken before on the things I did to start the transformation journey, so I won't go into detail, but the journey has as much to do with my emotional well being as it does the physical. So I made the choice to be happy. I started to distance myself from the people and the things that brought out the negative me. I stopped going out to the same bars, doing the same things, relying on the alcohol to guarantee me a good time (which it never does). It is an incredibly lonely process, separating yourself from what you've known for years. To combat the loneliness, I started focusing on things around my house that I wanted to improve on. The nice weather allowed me time to get out and build my gardens, maintain my yard. It also allowed me to get out on the trails. (I could wander the woods for hours.) I spent more time with my kids and my family. I was sleeping better and enjoying the fruits of my labours. As my body started to change I was learning how to appreciate it from the work I was doing on it, and slowly building confidence. Doing all of this, removing myself from the social ruts, I was able to drastically cut down on the drama in my life. I was focusing on me for the first time in a very long time. I wasn't trying to make anyone else happy, I wasn't trying to fit in to a place where I wasn't ever really 100% comfortable. I was slowly stepping out of a persona that I had created very early on, and reverted back to every time I felt the need to retreat into myself. During all of this my mom got sick and it was a big kick in the ass to remind me how life short can be, and to appreciate everything about it. Now that she is better, I feel like we all benefited from that reminder and we don't take it for granted like we used to.
One of the most difficult parts of the change is positive thinking. I still struggle with this but as I mentioned earlier it does get easier. There are days where I need to literally yell at myself (usually in my head - sometimes not) to smarten up and get with the program. If I have self-doubt about how I look I will remind myself of where I started. If I don't like something I will remind myself how to take the steps to change it. And then take them. I remind myself that others cannot control how I feel or act - only I can do that. I make sure to stay connected to other positive thinkers. Like-minded individuals with the same goals, who are taking the same steps as I am. My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are littered with motivational posts, fitness groups, quotes and images that remind me I am not alone and that I SO GOT THIS. I am inspired and motivated by the people who tell me I inspire and motivate them (something I will never take for granted and am so ridiculously grateful for) I am moved by the people at the gym, the older folks and the heavier set who are there every day going for it. Having this kind of inspiration reminds me every day that the journey I am on is worth every early morning, every unsatisfied craving, every sore muscle and every negative thought that gets beaten down into submission. My self-confidence still suffers and I know how it holds me back from getting involved and putting myself out there, but I also know as I continue the journey this too will improve. I am already miles away from who I was even just months ago.
I am still cynical about some things. I am still catty. I still have lots of work to do on judging others and myself. I still have my dark moments, and my evil twin still lurks below the surface. But if I had to answer today if I am happy, my answer would be "Yes. I am happy. Yes. I have a great life."
Over the last couple of years I found myself falling into ruts. In relationships, socially, and with my health. Everything was the same day in and day out and I allowed myself to get drawn into the downward spiral that these ruts created. It happens to everybody; some people recognize it early on and get out before it gets too bad and other people, like me, just go with it and get sucked in. I am a total 'go with the flow' type person, and when the flow went bad - well so did I. Which isn't to say I was a horrible mean person during this period. But it was hard to think positively, love myself, enjoy the good things going on around me. Not to mention it is far easier to be a suckhole than a ray of sunshine.
So how did I turn it around? Well I am still in the process; It gets easier but I don't think it will ever be something that has a definitive finish line. Not until perhaps at the end of what I hope is a very long life I can sit back and say "Yes, I was happy. Yes, I had a great life." But how did I get to this point now? I needed to make decisions. I had to choose how I wanted to live my life. I have spoken before on the things I did to start the transformation journey, so I won't go into detail, but the journey has as much to do with my emotional well being as it does the physical. So I made the choice to be happy. I started to distance myself from the people and the things that brought out the negative me. I stopped going out to the same bars, doing the same things, relying on the alcohol to guarantee me a good time (which it never does). It is an incredibly lonely process, separating yourself from what you've known for years. To combat the loneliness, I started focusing on things around my house that I wanted to improve on. The nice weather allowed me time to get out and build my gardens, maintain my yard. It also allowed me to get out on the trails. (I could wander the woods for hours.) I spent more time with my kids and my family. I was sleeping better and enjoying the fruits of my labours. As my body started to change I was learning how to appreciate it from the work I was doing on it, and slowly building confidence. Doing all of this, removing myself from the social ruts, I was able to drastically cut down on the drama in my life. I was focusing on me for the first time in a very long time. I wasn't trying to make anyone else happy, I wasn't trying to fit in to a place where I wasn't ever really 100% comfortable. I was slowly stepping out of a persona that I had created very early on, and reverted back to every time I felt the need to retreat into myself. During all of this my mom got sick and it was a big kick in the ass to remind me how life short can be, and to appreciate everything about it. Now that she is better, I feel like we all benefited from that reminder and we don't take it for granted like we used to.
One of the most difficult parts of the change is positive thinking. I still struggle with this but as I mentioned earlier it does get easier. There are days where I need to literally yell at myself (usually in my head - sometimes not) to smarten up and get with the program. If I have self-doubt about how I look I will remind myself of where I started. If I don't like something I will remind myself how to take the steps to change it. And then take them. I remind myself that others cannot control how I feel or act - only I can do that. I make sure to stay connected to other positive thinkers. Like-minded individuals with the same goals, who are taking the same steps as I am. My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are littered with motivational posts, fitness groups, quotes and images that remind me I am not alone and that I SO GOT THIS. I am inspired and motivated by the people who tell me I inspire and motivate them (something I will never take for granted and am so ridiculously grateful for) I am moved by the people at the gym, the older folks and the heavier set who are there every day going for it. Having this kind of inspiration reminds me every day that the journey I am on is worth every early morning, every unsatisfied craving, every sore muscle and every negative thought that gets beaten down into submission. My self-confidence still suffers and I know how it holds me back from getting involved and putting myself out there, but I also know as I continue the journey this too will improve. I am already miles away from who I was even just months ago.
I am still cynical about some things. I am still catty. I still have lots of work to do on judging others and myself. I still have my dark moments, and my evil twin still lurks below the surface. But if I had to answer today if I am happy, my answer would be "Yes. I am happy. Yes. I have a great life."
Sunday 2 June 2013
Because I can part 2
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When I started doing the run it was because it was something I could get behind; something I believed could make a difference in our community. And doing something in honour or memory of someone is always a bit of a lift for the spirit. When we started doing the benefit show it was because it was an easy, fun and entertaining way to raise funds without having to canvas or blatantly ask people for money (never my strong suit). The first year we did the show I didn't think that we would continue it and now with 3 years under our belt I can assure you it is staggering to me that we are going for a fourth. Every year it gets a little bigger, and every year we are able to give more to the Rankin than the year before. Our team has established itself and the people involved all love the day, and we celebrate afterwards with a get together. Its becoming a tradition, and one of my favourite days of the year. Never once did it ever occur to me to do any of this for any sort of recognition or award.
Usually after the Run I stick around until our team has dispersed, and watch some of the awards ceremony. This year, I had shopping to do for our team bbq and left once we were all packed up. It wasn't until the afternoon that some neighbours that had been there for the ceremony told me that I had been one of the 35 recipients of the Mike's Miracles Hero Awards. I was stunned. I didn't know I had been nominated or even that this was a thing you could get.
It is such an honour to get this award but to be honest I still don't get it. I won the award for my fundraising efforts and for the show. First off, I didn't do any of this alone. It was the combined efforts of my team, my family, our friends and everyone who had a hand in getting this thing off the ground. I would be nothing without everyone else. I don't run alone. I have a team that runs or walks with me and we may cross the finish line at different times, but we do this together, with thousands of other people who are all there for the same reason.
Secondly, what I do is absolutely nothing compared to the people who are out there every day - driving their loved ones to appointments, sitting through chemo sessions, and the nausea and sickness afterwards, the pain and the long nights, the countless hours spent sitting beside hospital beds, adjusting to the changes cancer brings about with ostomies, mastectomies, lost limbs, or the planning of funerals and learning how to live a new life when their loved one passes on.
Most importantly though are the people like Mike Vandendool, Nicky Roma, Jason Barron. These kids are the real heroes. Mike wanted to help other kids going through the same thing he did and focused on raising money for a new-release movie room at Mac. Because of the generosity from others through his own journey with cancer, he wanted to pay it forward, and with help from his family they created Mike's Miracles. Mike passed away in 2006 at 12 years old. Mike's Miracles continues to raise money and gets involved with numerous charities. And the movie room? It opened in 2010 at Mac in the Ronald McDonald Family Room. Check out Mike's Miracles
Nick Roma was diagnosed in 2011 with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. In 2012 he acquired a blood infection that resulted in septic shock. Because of this he lost both arms and legs. His amazing family and friends have kept the community updated with Nicks progress, and post videos from time to time of different moments in his rehabilitation. Watch these. Please. You will see the indomitable spirit that Nick has, that he has had from the beginning of his journey, and continues to have during his ongoing chemo treatments. Stay Strong
Jason Barron lost his mom to cancer. His team Bonnie's Battle was the top fundraising community team this year raising over $11,000 for the Run, and has been in the top few teams since they started taking part, just days after his mom passed away. I include him in my list of heroes because it is far too easy to say "poor me" and turn losing a loved one into a selfish thing. He turned it into an extension of Bonnie's fight and he continues to fight for her, and even though he is no longer at St. Francis, it is clear that his school community still stands behind him and every year he and his team stand out amongst the runners. My own son runs for Bonnie's Battle and I could not be more proud that he is involved with the team and aligned with a kid like Jason. A bit of Jason's story
The thing that all three of these kids have in common is that even at the worst point of their lives they have shown strength. Even though Mike is no longer with us, his legacy lives on and continues to give to the kids that he wanted to help. Nick's fight is far from over but every video you will see, every public appearance he makes you will see a smile on his face and know that he will stay strong. And Bonnie's memory is alive and well in her son, and I can imagine that some of the sun we saw last Saturday was the pride she must feel shining down on Jason. There are so many other people like these guys who have done amazing things in light of their circumstances, the list is endless. Until we have found a cure, this is how we beat cancer, by not letting it defeat us.
So maybe you can understand a little of why I feel so undeserving of a Hero award. I wish that every person affected by this disease could get one, because they are the heroes. Like Maryann Edwards (a true angel-on-earth and the Run director) I will look forward to the day that we don't have to have the Rankin Run. Until then I will continue to take part and do what I do, not for award or recognition, but because I can.
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