Giving Thanks

I have spent much of the past week in my head...my birthday being this past Saturday I was battling past demons and feeling sorry for myself that I had no one "special" to spend it with, that because I don't drink anymore that I was some sort of birthday pariah because I had no particular "birthday plans" and I was sort of dreading my birthday weekend. In retrospect, I think it was a part of my transformation that I had to endure. As I've mentioned before, it's not all physical. There is a great deal of emotional upheaval going on as well, my insides are changing as dramatically as my outsides. I could not be more wrong that I didn't have anyone special to spend my day with...Friday at work I was celebrated by my colleagues, and friday night was spent in the company of a good friend watching movies and just ... being ... as we like to call it. Saturday morning I woke up to an absolutely gorgeous morning and had good session at the gym, and a day spent with my daughter and my sister. M and I joined my folks for dinner and then spent the evening watching a movie together. Sunday was spent in the company of my second family, and today I have had some quality alone time, and will spend the rest of another gorgeous fall day enjoying the scenery that the Niagara Region has to offer, as well as yet another Thanksgiving Dinner, this time with my parents and my brother. I have spent the entire weekend with the most wonderfully giving and supportive and loving people I could ever ask for. They are beyond special and I have not for one moment felt like I have been lacking anything. I have been blessed with a second family who treat us like their own, and am lucky that there is no awkwardness in regards to the relationship between Meaghan, her dad, his girlfriend and I. We are truly one big happy family and Jamie is as much a part of it as Meaghan. My own family - I would have to devote an entire new blog to how amazing they are. This weekend has taught me that I am truly on the right path and once I got past the hurdles in my head I was able to truly enjoy the passing of another year, and cannot wait to see what the next brings. I have been blessed by many birthday wishes, and some very heartfelt messages that I will take with me on my journey. I am thankful for the things that I am learning that I am capable of - the changes I have gone through both physically and emotionally and the changes that I will continue to experience. I am thankful for the opportunities and adventures I have been able to have with my kids, and that they are kind, generous, charming, happy, smart and funny. We all have many things to be thankful for, and I hope that your list is diverse and easy to write. Happy Thanksgiving.

Embrace the Cookie

Well, I saw my first Christmas decorations in a store yesterday, and Christmas Carols have been played on the radio. (btw commercialism - an earlier start to the christmas season does not entice  me to spend more or get more in the holiday spirit so knock it off and let me enjoy my Halloween season unencumbered, kthanks) Thanksgiving (for us Canadians) is next weekend - along with *someones* birthday - and this for me is the kick off of  what I like to call Food Season. In the past my birthday and both of our thanksgiving dinners (one with my folks and one with the outlaws) were a cause to pretty much eat and drink as much as I could without throwing up (or sometimes with...depending on who I spending my birthday celebrations with - yeah TMI - sorry)  The last time I tried to lose weight, I made it through the first half of Food Season relatively ok (but by no means acceptable to my goals) but I fell off the wagon hard at Christmas. I am feeling very confident in this new lifestyle that I will make it through the Holidays with no issue whatsoever. My mental game is at an all-time high, which is a huge portion of the battle, and I am learning and growing comfortable with the fact that I can allow myself *some* wiggle room with food, as long as I maintain my goals. Now - that doesn't give me the excuse to stuff my face for one day, or indulge in a piece of cake or a drink...I know that some things will just make me feel nasty no matter how tasty it is going down. I know there are very different takes on "cheat" meals and allowing oneself a "day off" or  a meal or whatever but these are my own personal decisions. You do what you want to do, and I will do what I want to do and we will all be happy with the decisions we've made and that's what this is really all about - being happy with the decisions we make in life. If I eat a cookie lets say...I am going to eat it because I have chosen to eat that cookie, and I will not feel guilty about eating that cookie because it was a conscious decision to eat it. I have embraced the cookie. I ate the heck out of that cookie and felt good about it. I will not eat the cookie and then say "ugh i shouldn't have eaten that cookie...i feel so guilty for eating that cookie.."  and then reach for another cookie because hey - I've already failed myself so what the hell...That is a food fail. When we incorporate conscious thinking into the decisions we make - especially where food or other vices are concerned - we have the ability to become masters of our own domains (Seinfeld reference anyone? haha - offtopic)  Instead of reaching automatically for the bag of cookies, weigh out whether or not you really want one, think about why you want one and if its because dammit you just really want that cookie then have one but don't beat yourself up over it afterwards, and definitely don't use it for a jumping off point of absolute gluttony. You can't say "I want to lose weight" and not change the way you look at food and exercise. So by implementing a new way of thinking, and prioritizing your food goals, and by exercising conscious decision making in the kitchen you can actually set yourself up for absolute success with your weightloss, without having to "cheat".  Let's face it, the guilt associated with eating leads us to feel worse about what we are doing, and in turn, usually leads us to eat more (emotional eating anyone??) So if we remove the guilt by making - say it with me now - CONSCIOUS DECISIONS about what we are eating, we are already on the road to a better lifestyle. We do so much without thinking why we do it - we just follow along. When I started to think about what I was doing, and how I was letting people make me feel, everything started to change. It's definitely not easy but when you do something that positively affects your life, everything else just kind of starts to fall into place. So as I head into Food Season, I am doing it with the utmost confidence that I will make it through with flying colours (and even meet my goal of losing a bit more body fat before going into my bulking season - which is a whole different post with a whole different set of implications that I will get into another blog)