Tuesday 19 August 2014

deal with rejection

I have been toying with the idea of this blog for a couple of weeks ... things I want to say pop into my head and stick around - or they don't - and that's when I figure it's time to write a blog - or not. I want to talk about rejection.  Over the last several months I have been looking for a part time (or better full time) job ... sometimes the search is a little more serious than other times but it's always there. I am lucky I have a full time job that pays pretty well and have some great perks so I don't feel a huge pressure to find something else, but I know for what I want to do (aside from pay bills and keep my house/car etc) I need an additional income. Gone are the old days of printing up a bunch of resumes, pounding the pavement and doing the follow up phone calls...nowadays its all online, don't call us we will call you, come to our job fair....that sort of thing. I can't say I blame anyone for the way the things are, with the unemployment in this area being what it is, I am sure an automated application system is easiest. But it cuts down that first point of contact where you can introduce yourself, give people an idea of who you are and maybe even have the chance to stand out amongst a hundred other applicants. "Oh yeah - I remember that girl....she had a great handshake and super eye contact when she spoke" ... and believe me these things DO stand out! From my days at the record store I can still recall certain people dropping off resumes and the impressions they made. For all of the resumes I have put out, I have heard back from two - TWO - companies with the same response "Thank you for your interest in our company but you don't fit the bill...even with your extensive retail experience, apparent passion for customer service and just general skill over all we are going to go in a different direction...." and hey you know what? That's cool; between job hunting and dating (and let me tell you how similar THOSE two things are - right down to its all done online!!!) I have come to realize that I am not everybody's cup of tea. But every once in a while I get that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "you are no ones cup of tea...you are never going to go any further than where you are right this very second, and as for a life partner? HA! Time for another cat, lady."  Those days I will admit that I feel kind of down....but I know its not true. I know I can change my game plan and get a professional resume done and "professionally" search for a job. I know I will maybe perhaps meet someone randomly in the grocery store or walking down the street (and not from an online profile) who wants to stick around for a little  more than ... well y'know ... but its those days with that voice that really mess with your head.  So why do I keep trying.... why do I hold on to this hope that things will change, and why do I believe that I am destined to be more than what I am at this very moment? Why after all the rejection and listening to that voice tell me I'm not good enough do I get up every day and do it all again? Maybe it's because I *am* lucky enough to have a job so I find comfort in the fact that I was at least good enough to get this one...maybe because I have felt love - or something like it - in the past. Maybe if I didn't have these things I would be more cynical, or maybe if I didn't have them I would be more driven...But I think what keeps me going is the knowledge that I am not done yet. In all the steps I have taken in my life this is just another foot strike on the ground. As long as I am moving forward in something I am doing well. As long as I can keep being thankful for what I do have it will help me to work for what I still want...So the rejection isn't really rejection after all. It is merely another piece of the puzzle, another twist of the path, another reminder that my journey continues. I could be philosophical and say it's just not my time yet, or that the universe has something else in store for me besides a part time retail job and maybe that is all true also - who knows how these things really work. Until I know for sure I will not let that nagging voice get the best of me. I will continue to put myself out there - on so many levels - and appreciate what comes back to me in the form of growth and learning my self worth.