A beginning...

It has been suggested that I start blogging. I personally don't think that I have anything of interest to say but if I don't start writing down the things I'm doing on this journey then I may not remember much of it as I continue on.

That girl  up there?? That's me. Or at least it was a few years ago. Double chin...round gut...and oh so happy looking!! I was over 200 lbs. I maxed out at 215 - and would have gotten heavier if I wasn't absolutely appalled by what I saw. Now - let me say that there are some very happy and beautiful plus sized ladies out there - and kudos to them for being confident and beautiful and happy with themselves. If any one person can be happy with how they look I applaud them. But it wasn't just my weight that made me unhappy.  I was in a funk, an unhappy relationship, and stuck in a vortex of negativity. This is  the sort of thing that creeps up on you; the weight, the realization that things just aren't what you thought they would be and one bad picture gets taken and it's like a punch in the soft round flabby gut.

My life needed to change.

I started with the weight. That was something I had the courage to try to change. I joined a Biggest Loser challenge at work. There were 4 of us. There was money on the line...we kept pushing the deadline back, a few times, which was great for me because I had a slow start but I ended up in a tie with one of the other girls. It sparked something in me. I was enjoying the bootcamp I was attending, the ladies that were a part of it, and most importantly I was seeing results. My daughter would often attend with me and sometimes do some of the exercises, and I felt proud to show her that being fit could be fun, and that she was seeing results from my work. Instilling healthy habits in both my kids lives is so important, and I can only hope that they will take something from what we talk about and do at home. The weight slowly started coming off as I was changing my eating habits, working on improving my metabolism and being conscious of what I was putting in my  mouth. I used to think that exercise was the most important thing to weight loss...and argued it vehemently. Well in the beginning I was working out but it wasn't until I changed my eating habits that things started to change. Now I know that nutrition is at least 80% of the weight loss formula...

During this time of working on my outside I was sort of forced to start working on my insides - that happy part of me that I hadn't seen in a while. My boyfriend at the time was leaving on an open ended trip. Without him around (and with the subsequent overseas breakup) I started focusing on things that I enjoyed - aside from the bootcamp and time spent at the gym - I was gardening, I had moved and was getting settled in the new place, spending time outdoors with my kids, camping...learning to do things I had never done before or never done on my own. I was *gasp* HAPPY! For a while anyways...then he came back, it was a confusing and strange time not know where we stood and blah blah blah. I knew I could be happy - I was enjoying the positive thinking and finally I cut the proverbial cord that held us together. Which was a good move for both of us and I am happy that we were both able to do things apart that we couldn't do stuck in our rut together, and I wish him every happiness in his life.

Same girl - same shirt!!


Not long after I ended up in another relationship. A great relationship. Positive and active and someone I could see myself with for the rest of my life. For a while anyways...then things changed and - well to be honest I don't really know what happened but I knew I didn't want to be unhappy with someone again. A very difficult decision to make but I had grown from my previous experience and said goodbye. In a text. I am a horrible human being. But I guess you had to be there to understand why it worked out that way...During the last while of that last relationship, where I wasn't as happy as we had been, that darned weight started creeping up again. I had lost almost 50 lbs by the time I was dating Mr. Z and we were doing a lot of walking and hiking and being active and outdoors and I was at the gym and following a program and eating well. Those times started petering out and it was couch dates with boozy-sugary drinks and while we never ate entirely unhealthily - we weren't the poster-couple of healthy habits either. But I can only blame that on about 20% of the weight gain..I just wasn't doing anything on my own. I let everything slip;  Gym, bootcamp, snacking late at night, poor sleeping habits, drinking more...I needed to find the rest of that girl that I had started to unearth - the happy fit one...

Fastforward 3 months and here I sit in front of my computer,giving you the long version of this journey I am on.  6 weeks into a 12 week fitness program (that I had started once before but - well you read what happened - falling out of habits and whatnot) I feel stronger and more committed than ever before. I am eating clean, not drinking, and in the gym 6 days of the week. I have lost those 10 lbs that I put back on and am leaning out and toning up. I am organized and positive and passionate about my transformation.I have some amazing supportive people in my corner.  I am not "dieting" I am changing my lifestyle. I am inspired, and motivated and excited about what my future will bring. The craziest part for me is that I am inspiring and motivating others. This blows me away more than anything and it is such an emotional thing for me - you guys make me want to work harder.

I do not grieve the old me. I do not miss my old lifestyle. I feel better, I have more energy and I am unstoppable!

I am tired of starting over, so I have stopped giving up.


**edit** fast forward another almost 4 months and I am still at the gym 6 days a week, eating clean, still not drinking, feeling GREAT, down to a size 8 (I was an 18 - EIGHTEEN!!!! when I was at 215) I finished the 12 week program, redid it again starting half way through and am now halfway through a new 6 week program, ran a 5K charity run setting a baseline of 39:00 with another coming up in September, almost halfway through a 30 day ab challenge and starting to put myself and my story out there. I have a lot of work still to do, but 2013 has been an amazing year so far and I can't wait to see what else it will bring me!