A Real Test

In a few days I will be off on one of the biggest tests I have ever endured in my adult life...the family vacation. I am excited yet ridiculously nervous, for a few reasons, which I will share because I consider it a part of my journey towards a better me and thusly willing to open up to all of you who are following said journey.
      Number one - this will be the furthest I have ever been from my parents outside of my comfort zone in forever. They have gone away, but I have been home amongst my things, my other people and my/their home.
      Number two - its just the kids and I...I've taken them camping just the three of us but again - something I am familiar with and never far enough away from my comfort zone that I ever worried about anything. My kids are great and I am really not anticipating any issues, and we are familiar with the area that we are going to but it is still very foreign to me in the sense that I will have to have my big girl panties on at all times, and be the adult...not the adult-child travelling with mom and dad. I have never done anything like this where I couldn't just call them up and get some advice/help/a ride etc - make sense? Even when I've been a 2-3 day paddle from real civilization I've had someone more experienced with me to rely on. This time its just me, sucking up every ounce of fear I may have and going for it. (I know when I get back I'll say wow that was a piece of cake what was I afraid of blah blah blah...but right now, I want to pee  my pants a little..)
      Number three is that it will really test my goals of eating clean and keeping fit. As you know - I've been following a new 12 week program, and luckily said program has a really flexible schedule in that Gethin has a lot of rest days built in to it - in the last couple of weeks I have condensed the training days so that while we are away I will not miss anything, and come back to where I would be had I followed the schedule as writ. I plan to focus more on my 5k training while away because the hotel doesn't have a decent gym, but I can run anywhere - at any time.  (annnd I really need to get my butt in gear for the run or dye in September) I haven't taken this much time off from the gym since I started back in January but I am almost confident that not only will the rest do me some good, it will also help sharpen my focus when I get back.
      The other side to this as well is the nutrition portion. Because we are on a budget we will not be eating out for every meal, and will be buying a lot of our own groceries and doing some cooking so for that I am thankful. I can control what I eat, I have already scoped out some menus from restaurants around our hotel and  am fairly confident that between all the ocean time, walking and running that will be done I should be able to  maintain my progress and not have to worry about coming back to work off 5 lbs of vacation. I have zero intention of letting my training slide, and staying committed to my new lifestyle - but I tell ya...it's daunting having been so on it for the last 7 months.
      So - while I am incredibly excited to spend a week by the ocean, soaking up the rays, playing in the waves and having my need for visually stimulating eyecandy met thoroughly by the lifeguards who patrol the beach, I am scared to freakin' death of doing it on my own AND as a cleaneater/fitchick newbie. But hey - the good stuff happens outside of your comfort zone right?!

Clean Eating ... and stuff...

This actually kind of works a little in that Saturday will be pretty busy for me so I can sneak a blog in early AND answer all your questions at the same time. Anything I don't quite answer for you please feel free to shoot me a message and I would be happy to elaborate or help out in any way possible. Seriously. I love this stuff. Obsessed.

So what is clean eating...basically its eating natural REAL whole food. Nothing processed, refined, messed with, mucked up or otherwise garbage. Tosca Reno, the Eat Clean Queen defines it as "a lifestyle approach of exercise and a diet plan of unprocessed, whole foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, and void of artificial ingredients, preservatives, "chemically charged foods," sugars, saturated fat, and trans fat." If you can't pronounce an ingredient on a label you probably shouldn't eat it. And nothing should have more than a few ingredients. Organic is super, but it is becoming such a generalized "marketable" term, so be wary. Alcohol has sugar in it too so that's out too...FYI. No sodas, fruit juices - unless you're juicing your own...the good news is you can substitute a lot of this stuff and it may taste funny at first but as your body get accustomed to real, whole, natural foods you will start to see what you've been missing, and how crappy the crap actually is! And while I don't prescribe to the cheat meal, you can incorporate it into your week as long as its just a meal (not a full day!) and you get back to it. But fair word of warning, once you're used to the good stuff the bad stuff makes you feel HORRIBLE!!!

 The program (I hate to call it a diet because it really isn't - its changing the way you look at food and your body) focuses on eating 5-6 small meals a day, incorporating lean proteins, complex carbs and healthy fats at every meal which keeps the metabolism revved up and blood sugars steady which reduces the cravings, sugar crashes and binging.  One of the reasons why nutrition is so much more important than exercise (80-20) is that you can work your ass off in the gym but if you're feeding your body a bunch of garbage and you have a sluggish metabolism the fat isn't going to come from the right places. And it wasn't until I started eating clean (I'd say I'm roughly 90% clean depending on how hardcore you want to look at it) that i started seeing the results and I crushed the plateau I had been holding on to for months. 40 lbs in 2.5 years or 30 in 6 months ... you choose.

You know I love bodybuilding.com and they have an article about clean eating here that you can take a look at - with some principles laid out if you wanted to take a look. You can also check out some more of the principles here  - sort of a little simpler. I could regurgitate it all for you but they have pictures and its glossy and fun.

There really isn't anything special you need to do to eat clean - aside from maybe clear out your pantry and your fridge and re-stock. No special tricks for cooking - I couldn't cook very well before all this but everything just seems to work when you're dealing with just a few simple ingredients - some simple swaps and some openmindedness. Also, pre-prepare your food! I set aside some time usually on sundays before the work week or while I am making dinner to get a few extra meals made that I can pack and bring to work. I will make extra for myself when cooking dinner and some things are just so quick and easy! Cost wise I find that it actually works out a little better than eating processed...cooking staples can be purchased in bulk which means really I am just stocking up on fruits and veggies, my almond milk, protein and greek yogurt each week. Also if you're batch cooking you save yourself money that way too.

So basically, you can lose weight, have healthy hair, skin and nails, improved overall health, AND save some cash?! this keeps getting better.

So what do I eat? My staples are almond butter, greek yogurt, sugar free jam, quick cooking oats, tuna, avocado, fresh veg for salads, sweet potato, lemon/citrus for water (we keep a pitcher going in the fridge) broccoli, asparagus, brussels sprouts, and chicken chicken chicken. I have flax seed on hand, honey and organic maple syrup for sweeteners, unsweetened applesauce for baking and protein powder. A typical workout day looks like this:
530-600 - Pre-workout: banana
700 - Postworkout: protein shake, 1/3 cups egg whites scrambled, 1/3 quick oats cooked, mixed with 1.5 tsp sugar free jam and blueberries
1000 - rice cake with greekyogurt/sugar free jam spread or almond butter (1tbs)
1200 - 3-4 oz chicken (i get the fillets and bake them with coconut oil or olive oil, garlic salt and basil) 1 cup broccoli or asparagus and either a salad, 1/2 baked sweet potato, red pepper slices or some other veg. like carrots but they started hurting my tummy. 1/2 grapefruit and a protein ball (google angi greene's amazeballs...so good)
1500 (or 3pm - sorry i work in military time) - 100 grams plain greek yogurt with sugar free raspberry jam and another protein ball
1800/6pm 3-5 oz is a pretty close repeat to lunch. protein, a few veg, salad whatever.

I can hit anywhere between 1400 and 1700 calories a day which is in line with my bodyfat goal (not weight goal....bodyfat...)

Sometimes i will have a protein shake near the end of the night or as a delayed "dessert" and once in a while I will indulge in a Rivi's Gluten/guilt free cookie after dinner (which I just remembered I have - but now its too late ... boooo...) or a spoon of peanut butter right before bed. Peanut butter is a slow burning protein so it helps keep your metabolism going through the night and you wake up less hungry - at least I do. If I am not working out in the morning I will have a slice of ezekiel bread toasted with almond butter and blueberries on top. And on weekends I will usually cookup some protein pancakes (super easy)

Here is a grocery list to get you started with your clean eating. There are lots of simple recipes out there - and a lot of very involved ones as well if you're more cook-y than I am....here are a few to get you started:
Tomato Sauce - I add ground chicken or turkey and eat with whole wheat pasta
green beans and pecans with maple vinaigrette - i swear by this dressing and use it almost every day - also makes an amazing marinade for chicken
sweet potato and chicken hash
Blueberry protein pancakes - this is the extended recipe - I usually just use oats, eggwhites protein powder and blueberries - both are delicious
Dijon Cod and Asparagus

So there you have it. Clean Eating 101. Sort of ... at least some tools to get you started...do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you have any additional questions or comments...or if there is anything else I can help you with. I didn't get to where I am on my own and I never get tired of this... :)

short n sweet

I'm a day late on the Saturday A.M. blog but I had some sleeping in that needed to happen and that sort of threw my day off...then I was going to do it last night but went out which resulted in more sleeping in and then I had some gym and pool time to make up for so here we are Sunday evening...better late than never.



I am entering week 3 of the new program - Kris Gethins 12 week transformation over on bbcom and I am really enjoying it. I am sticking with my own nutrition plan (clean eating - which I do need to clean up a little more but I am working on it) but following his strength program pretty closely. Some things I need to use alternates but for the most part I am doing pretty well. It is really enjoyable and he is always switching things up. Far more interesting than the last program I was doing. The best part about it though is I am learning what I am capable with in regards to weight. I have pushed myself further and realized that I have been selling myself short which in turn is keeping me motivated and pumped to get into the gym every day. ok maybe I'm still having a hard time getting out of bed but once I finally get there its all hard work!


This is a short one this week - I did want to do a post on customer service, and how important it is to support one another on our fitness journey, but the words just weren't coming out the way I wanted them to - and Dexter is coming on shortly. But I am keeping good on my word that I would post at least once a week. So there.

The Mirror Lies

There is something that many people don't talk about (or at least not that I have seen much of) when discussing weight loss and transformation. It is something that I have been thinking about for the past week or so after getting another "you're too skinny - stop losing weight" comment. Now, I've had a lot of that over the last couple of months not to mention the countless "how much more are you trying to lose" "eat something" and even one "anorexic" comments. Luckily those closest to me know that this isn't about weight loss anymore. I have reiterated that countless times but some people actually get it. Or at least don't hassle me about the weight. And I know that it may be a bit of a shock for some people who haven't seen me in a while. I haven't looked like this in 17 years (and when I was this weight 17 years ago it wasn't healthy - this time it is, wish I had pictures to compare the two) so most of the time I can shake off the comments and know that I eat enough, its 95% clean, I'm putting only healthy things into my body and getting good results in return, and I'm working hard to get the desired physique I am after. On the flip side I saw someone last night that I hadn't seen in a really long time and right off the bat the comment was "wow you look amazing, are you working out every day?" and I took pride in that.

Why these comments get to me though are because when I look into the mirror, I see something completely different even though I know I do all the right things - When I look in the mirror I can see the muscle definition coming out, the abs starting to pop, my arms and shoulders taking on a nice shape and lets face it - my butt looks pretty ok too...but then I see the stretch marks. The scars from my breast reduction. The saggy skin around my belly. I still see the fat girl. This is something that I need to get past. This is one of those things that no matter how clean you eat, or what you do in the gym, or what you hear from other people your own image can be a mental hurdle. This isn't applicable just to those of us transforming either - but making such a drastic change is hard when your head doesn't catch up with the rest of the body.

I am learning - slowly - to change my way of thinking but it is not easy. I have never been good at the self confidence thing. I know that the journey will never really be over and that I have to take every triumph as it comes - and maybe one day I will be able to see the fit over the fat. Today won't be that day but like everything else hard work and dedication will get me there...eventually ...

Here we go again!

I am pretty sure I may be the worst blogger ever...but I made a commitment to myself that I would chronicle this journey on a weekly basis so here we go. I actually had a pretty decent topic rolling around in my head on Friday but I didn't take any notes and I've sort of been all over the place this weekend so it didn't stick with me like it normally does (or maybe that was just the universe's way of saying that wasn't the topic to blog? Could just be I"m getting forgetful in my old age? Or most likely that the topic wasn't all that good) 

For the last 6 weeks I had been doing a new program because of a new challenge I had entered on bbcom. After 18 weeks with Jamie Eason where things were changing every two weeks I found this one to be very boring and I wasn't seeing the changes I had been seeing prior. I know I have built more muscle and the 30 day ab challenge was great but overall I just wasn't happy with how the last 6 weeks panned out. Tomorrow I start a new 12 week program that looks like this but I will be staying with my current nutrition and supplements (eating clean and a multi/fishoils/bcaa's for supplements) I will also be trying to cut out dairy (I don't eat much really - 100g greek yogurt every day) I am hoping this may sort of some digestive issues I have been having but who knows - I've kind of been a mess in that department for the last 4-5 years. I need to examine everything I eat Mon-Fri (as it doesn't seem to affect me on the weekends?? Maybe its just work ha ha) So tonight will be all new measurements, new pics, and a fresh start at the gym tomorrow. Of course it starts with leg day...

I have also restarted my couch to 5k training for the upcoming Run Or Dye in September and I have to say that starting over from almost the beginning (week 2) I can tell that my pace has gotten better this time around and I have better control with my breathing. It should be a super fun run and I encourage anyone to join in...

Seems I have the day to myself with lots to get done (or not depending on how productive I choose to be) but groceries is definitely on the must-do list...so here we go!!! AGAIN!

that feeling in the pit of your stomach

A few years ago - in the middle of my rut - it was very hard for me to feel anything besides ennui, apathy, and a massive dose of self doubt and awkward insecurity. Sure in day to day life I took pride in my kids and was able to laugh and joke and play along with others but in MY time...my quiet me time...there was just a lot of MEH. The only feelings I would get in the pit of my stomach would be the nauseating pangs of self consciousness and not feeling like I fit in - anywhere.  To which I was told I was being silly and that wasn't the case at all but still...those feelings were there. I have stated before (whether it was in my blog or not I don't remember) that since I've been on this journey I am open to so many new uncovered emotions that sometimes I can't help the weepy eyes (ok lets face it - I have always been a suck) and even when I am just sitting quietly at my desk or curled up on my couch I may look like I am miserable (bitchy resting face - look it up) but really I am usually contemplating this new found peace or happily daydreaming. I'm sure my kids might have something to say about my moods - I still am a mom and a human being so I do get cranky and I'm not on 100% of the time, and of course those closest to us get the brunt of it every single time...but feeling so much more than the MEH of years past is just so .... FREEING!!

There is one feeling I don't recall ever having had before...not like this anyways...but when I get really inspired...or motivated...my body starts to kind of hum....and it starts in the pit of my stomach and just spreads until I just can't keep still.  It's not butterflies - its like a busy feeling... If I start talking about fitness or eating clean and someone is really into it with me, it starts. If I read an inspiring story or see a motivational post, it starts. If I do something to take a step forward and better my life, it starts. I start to hum (internally of course) and then I just get excited and this incredible sense of happiness takes over. Right now - even writing about it and thinking about the possibilities of the future I am at full hum.

I think this is what it is like to be passionate about something. I think this is what it is to be happy.

Doing it the old fashioned way...

I have had some people ask what I have done to get where I am today. I have done the bootcamp workouts (and loved them) but I find that I am far more comfortable with a weightlifting program with cardio built in on certain days. For me, at this particular point in my journey, I do not need a 'crazy' workout where I am killing myself with ropes or tires or trying to do 1000 burpees in 4 seconds. (ok maybe that last one is an exaggeration)  Now, before I continue, let me stress that if this is your workout I TOTALLY RESPECT that!! Crossfitters, bootcampers - you all get a hats off from me. Anyone who is doing anything more than nothing gets a highfive just for doing something. And you can all no doubt kick my ass in the gym. I'm not here to say what is better or what you should be doing. I choose a weightlifting program (and basic at that - still in the beginners) because I can work at my own pace and take the time to focus on my form and track my progress. I learn to listen to my body and know when to scale back when my shoulder or back start bothering me (both things I need to be careful of so as to not re-injure)  Having said that I also need to step it up and challenge myself a little more. But that too I can do at my own pace - and everything I've done so far seems to be working..

I have done all of this so far without a trainer - which would be completely beneficial and I will be looking into finding a coach when I want to start competing, but it can be done on your own. I started out working out at home, with weights up to 10 lbs and a few bands. There are lots of workouts you can do from home if cost or free time is an issue. Google can be your best friend here...and you know I swear by www.bodybuilding.com. When you're ready to move up to higher weights you can buy a set at a time or find something on kijiji or ebay (just make sure they are decent condition for your own safety) or you can invest in a TRX kit (a friend of mine found a first gen for 90 bucks on kijiji) which you can do ANYWHERE!!  And as far as the nutrition goes the internet is a wealth of information for clean eating recipes, grocery lists, tips, tricks and inspiration.

So if you look at me and say "I could never do that" I am here to assure you that you totally can. Find out what kind of workout works for you. Take some classes, try some different programs, although I do 100% endorse strength training with some cardio for leaning out and toning. And EAT CLEAN!! There is saying that abs are built in the kitchen and it's true...you can crunch till the cows come home but stubborn belly fat (and thigh fat for that matter) won't budge if you're not eating properly.