Trust the Process

These past couple weeks have been...stressful. Changes at work, some silly unwarranted drama in the emotional department, financial adjustments...just one of those 'when it rains it pours' times. To be honest though the rain is more like a foggy drizzle than a downpour so really I still have it pretty good. It's just these little blips that every once in a while remind you that things can change in a heartbeat, you need to be prepared for anything, and you need to learn how to roll with the punches (one of my specialties if I do say so myself). Every time we are handed a blip, we need to take something from it. I believe I've mentioned before that we can't control life, just how we react to it, and these past few weeks have been a good lesson in how I react. This isn't to say I wasn't maybe cranky with people who didn't deserve it, or didn't possibly maybe have a day where perhaps there may or may not have been some tears and a little bit of feeling sorry for myself...but I didn't dwell on the negative and I put my positive thinking to action and made it through what would have once dropped me to my knees in a long drawn out poor-me kind of funk. I can use these changes to help steer my life in the direction I want my life to go. I can embrace the opportunity to make changes where changes are needed. I have learned a little more about what I want, and more importantly what I don't want, from the people I surround myself with.  I will continue to try to better my situation on every level and maybe I am late to the race but I am making strides in getting things on track and being a happy well-adjusted adult. There is a quote that gets thrown around a lot with people who are undergoing transformations/bodybuilding/life in general - TRUST THE PROCESS - and not just the process I have put in place for myself but what the universe has thrown my way ... Learning to trust myself and my abilities to cope with life in general has been an eye opener and a constant project. This past week especially has been a constant inner monologue of turning negative thinking into the positive and making sure I have kept my head above the things trying to bring me down.  I am nowhere near where I want to be, or the person I want to become but I honestly feel that I am a step closer to being that person having accepted the challenges of my latest blip. So - now that I have restored some of the order to my inner-self, it's time to take care of my environment which has suffered some. In other words the state of my house is a complete reflection of the state of my head - and heart - as of late, and needs some order-restoring of its own.  In other - other words it just means I need to clean the house ... enjoy your weekend folks, and whatever path you may be on, Trust the Process.

From The Girl Who Couldn't...: rolling with the punches...

From The Girl Who Couldn't...: rolling with the punches...: It has been a very ... different ... few weeks. I apologize for not keeping up with the blog but life has a way of reminding you who's i...

rolling with the punches...

It has been a very ... different ... few weeks. I apologize for not keeping up with the blog but life has a way of reminding you who's in charge (and if you think it's you - guess again....the only thing you control is how you react to what's thrown at you)  I can't blame it all on life though, I am responsible in part due to laziness and not making the time. No excuses - I have been a bad blogger. So here I sit on a rainy Saturday evening in front of my computer, partially snuggled into the couch in sweats and an afghan and if I had to think about it, regardless of the changes in the last few weeks and the stress, life is pretty darned great. WHY?? Because I choose to see things in that light.  We have a roof over our head, clothes on our backs, a nice car to drive, food in the fridge, and I have a job to go to everyday. My job can be stressful. But I love it. I have worked in some form of customer service since I was a teenager and I honestly believe it is my strength. "But I thought you worked in the home healthcare industry" you say? I do - but what we do as coordinators ultimately boils down to customer service; the same principles apply. And those principles should be practiced on everyone that we deal with in our day - from our PSW's and nurses,(who are some amazing people by the way) to our clients, to our co-workers and colleagues. Not one of us can do our job without any of the aforementioned people. Now, I haven't been an active coordinator in just about a year - I have been working in the intake department (which has some coordination but not primarily so)  It was a good switch at the time, as I really needed to escape some of the negativity on the floor that some people were putting into the universe, and gave me some much needed motivation to shed some of my own negative skin. I believe I did ok in the intake role, but I was missing that customer service connection that I really dig. Well, in the past couple of weeks I was offered an opportunity to become a Team Lead - a position we haven't had before and one that hasn't yet been clearly or entirely defined. But I am jumping at the chance!! Who knows what this opportunity could bring, and  I have always been one to roll with the punches. I am looking forward to interacting with people again, I am looking forward to the challenges and the changes, and being involved. I am looking forward to helping develop the role as needed and am grateful that I still have a job.  I have never been one to stay somewhere that I didn't feel I was appreciated or where I felt stagnated, and luckily I have been offered opportunities that alleviate these issues. So while the last few weeks have been a big switch-up with a lot thrown at me at once, I am ready for whatever these changes will bring! This whole year has been one big ball of change for me and I have embraced every minute of it. THIS is the life we lead now - not the one we had in the past or the one we think we want in the future. What we do TODAY will determine what happens tomorrow. So embrace it - every second - the good and the bad. Learn from what you can, forgive what you need to, and move on. Like I said at the beginning up there, we don't control life - we can only control how we react to it - and the people in it. So react well people...

Giving Thanks

I have spent much of the past week in my head...my birthday being this past Saturday I was battling past demons and feeling sorry for myself that I had no one "special" to spend it with, that because I don't drink anymore that I was some sort of birthday pariah because I had no particular "birthday plans" and I was sort of dreading my birthday weekend. In retrospect, I think it was a part of my transformation that I had to endure. As I've mentioned before, it's not all physical. There is a great deal of emotional upheaval going on as well, my insides are changing as dramatically as my outsides. I could not be more wrong that I didn't have anyone special to spend my day with...Friday at work I was celebrated by my colleagues, and friday night was spent in the company of a good friend watching movies and just ... being ... as we like to call it. Saturday morning I woke up to an absolutely gorgeous morning and had good session at the gym, and a day spent with my daughter and my sister. M and I joined my folks for dinner and then spent the evening watching a movie together. Sunday was spent in the company of my second family, and today I have had some quality alone time, and will spend the rest of another gorgeous fall day enjoying the scenery that the Niagara Region has to offer, as well as yet another Thanksgiving Dinner, this time with my parents and my brother. I have spent the entire weekend with the most wonderfully giving and supportive and loving people I could ever ask for. They are beyond special and I have not for one moment felt like I have been lacking anything. I have been blessed with a second family who treat us like their own, and am lucky that there is no awkwardness in regards to the relationship between Meaghan, her dad, his girlfriend and I. We are truly one big happy family and Jamie is as much a part of it as Meaghan. My own family - I would have to devote an entire new blog to how amazing they are. This weekend has taught me that I am truly on the right path and once I got past the hurdles in my head I was able to truly enjoy the passing of another year, and cannot wait to see what the next brings. I have been blessed by many birthday wishes, and some very heartfelt messages that I will take with me on my journey. I am thankful for the things that I am learning that I am capable of - the changes I have gone through both physically and emotionally and the changes that I will continue to experience. I am thankful for the opportunities and adventures I have been able to have with my kids, and that they are kind, generous, charming, happy, smart and funny. We all have many things to be thankful for, and I hope that your list is diverse and easy to write. Happy Thanksgiving.

Embrace the Cookie

Well, I saw my first Christmas decorations in a store yesterday, and Christmas Carols have been played on the radio. (btw commercialism - an earlier start to the christmas season does not entice  me to spend more or get more in the holiday spirit so knock it off and let me enjoy my Halloween season unencumbered, kthanks) Thanksgiving (for us Canadians) is next weekend - along with *someones* birthday - and this for me is the kick off of  what I like to call Food Season. In the past my birthday and both of our thanksgiving dinners (one with my folks and one with the outlaws) were a cause to pretty much eat and drink as much as I could without throwing up (or sometimes with...depending on who I spending my birthday celebrations with - yeah TMI - sorry)  The last time I tried to lose weight, I made it through the first half of Food Season relatively ok (but by no means acceptable to my goals) but I fell off the wagon hard at Christmas. I am feeling very confident in this new lifestyle that I will make it through the Holidays with no issue whatsoever. My mental game is at an all-time high, which is a huge portion of the battle, and I am learning and growing comfortable with the fact that I can allow myself *some* wiggle room with food, as long as I maintain my goals. Now - that doesn't give me the excuse to stuff my face for one day, or indulge in a piece of cake or a drink...I know that some things will just make me feel nasty no matter how tasty it is going down. I know there are very different takes on "cheat" meals and allowing oneself a "day off" or  a meal or whatever but these are my own personal decisions. You do what you want to do, and I will do what I want to do and we will all be happy with the decisions we've made and that's what this is really all about - being happy with the decisions we make in life. If I eat a cookie lets say...I am going to eat it because I have chosen to eat that cookie, and I will not feel guilty about eating that cookie because it was a conscious decision to eat it. I have embraced the cookie. I ate the heck out of that cookie and felt good about it. I will not eat the cookie and then say "ugh i shouldn't have eaten that cookie...i feel so guilty for eating that cookie.."  and then reach for another cookie because hey - I've already failed myself so what the hell...That is a food fail. When we incorporate conscious thinking into the decisions we make - especially where food or other vices are concerned - we have the ability to become masters of our own domains (Seinfeld reference anyone? haha - offtopic)  Instead of reaching automatically for the bag of cookies, weigh out whether or not you really want one, think about why you want one and if its because dammit you just really want that cookie then have one but don't beat yourself up over it afterwards, and definitely don't use it for a jumping off point of absolute gluttony. You can't say "I want to lose weight" and not change the way you look at food and exercise. So by implementing a new way of thinking, and prioritizing your food goals, and by exercising conscious decision making in the kitchen you can actually set yourself up for absolute success with your weightloss, without having to "cheat".  Let's face it, the guilt associated with eating leads us to feel worse about what we are doing, and in turn, usually leads us to eat more (emotional eating anyone??) So if we remove the guilt by making - say it with me now - CONSCIOUS DECISIONS about what we are eating, we are already on the road to a better lifestyle. We do so much without thinking why we do it - we just follow along. When I started to think about what I was doing, and how I was letting people make me feel, everything started to change. It's definitely not easy but when you do something that positively affects your life, everything else just kind of starts to fall into place. So as I head into Food Season, I am doing it with the utmost confidence that I will make it through with flying colours (and even meet my goal of losing a bit more body fat before going into my bulking season - which is a whole different post with a whole different set of implications that I will get into another blog)

Saturday Morning Ramblings

A rainy Saturday morning and I couldn't be happier about it. I had nothing on the docket this weekend, and was looking forward to a couple rest days and getting caught up on some housework so this is perfect weather for it. Not to mention I love cooler fall weather and being snuggly as much as I love the summer so really - I am in Rainy Saturday Morning Heaven. Even with the mellow relaxed Saturday attitude I am fairly buzzing on the inside...I am so invigorated with the change of seasons and the progress I'm having at the gym. And not once but twice this week I have been given amazing compliments on my physique by relative strangers who are very involved in their own fitness that have really fueled the passion to continue. It is very hard for me to accept compliments and when they come I am reduced to a humbled mumbling mess but just so you know, the level to which they are appreciated is something I cannot express. Having said that I am very critical of my body and I think I have mentioned more than once (or at least once) that I wish I could see myself through someone elses eyes. If I ever forget to thank someone for their support, help, love, inspiration etc it is definitely not because I am not thankful - it is because i am trying to process the outpouring that you all have shown me. Even the doubters and naysayers give me something to work towards - and not because I have anything to prove to them, but because it gives me something more to prove to  myself. I LOVE talking fitness and health and nutrition and I am absorbing everything I can and love learning new things. I want to take this to a new level. I want to learn it and be certified and know what i am talking about when I help people when I've been asked for advice. I want to base it on more than just my own experiences. I want to know the human body and put that knowledge to work for myself and share it with others. I want to be someone my kids can look up to and give them the healthy habits that will take them into adulthood and not have to know the feeling of being uncomfortable in their own skin. I think I am doing ok on this front so far...now just to keep it up. I am most excited about my sons foray into health sciences once he graduates highschool and my daughters growing involvement in school sports. She is training for the cross country team and while she is racked with doubts and "what ifs" it has lended us the opportunity to talk about just trying and doing her best. She won't know what she is capable of doing if she doesn't at least try. And she is open to training at home so that will give us an opportunity to spend some extra time together. Running is something we can do together and I am inexperienced enough that I can keep up with her boundless amounts of energy.  So yes...buzzing like whoa and super looking forward to everything the future will bring. Even if its just scrubbing the toilet on this rainy day - its allllll good.

Back to school - and a new/old routine

I LOVE September. I am always ready to get back to a routine and normal schedule after the summer. Just having the kids back in school settles everything down - in other words I feel like I have more control. Luckily for me too, both my kids love school so it is never a chore to return. While my eldest is in his senior year of highschool and my youngest just entered grade 4, this year they are both in uniformed schools which seems to make the mornings run a little smoother. No fuss, no muss. Another new adjustment we have made is  my daughter now takes the bus to school - no more driving her in for me!! This is an added bonus for sure...she leaves at 8 to catch her bus which gives me 10-15 minutes to myself before leaving the house for work. No more rushing or dealing with the extra traffic and she isn't waiting around an empty school yard waiting for her friends to show up. So needless to say the return to school has been extra wonderful this year. My gym schedule hasn't changed much but I do need to get there a bit earlier to make sure I get everything in I need to do - this is nothing new, just back to "fall hours" (although I do recall saying at the beginning of summer how excited I was that I would have some extra time in the gym - really I just took extra time to hit the snooze button...)

Something new for this fall is a 2 hour gap I now have in my Monday evenings. My daughter has joined Girl Guides (not looking forward to cookie season at all!) and it is a great opportunity for BOTH of us to do something new! She is really stoked to go, and is super excited about the prospect of camping and canoeing so I hope this troupe makes good on that. And I am looking forward to 2 hours of "free time" - thinking of taking a fitness class of some sort...yoga or maybe something at the Y (since its included in my membership) so if anyone has any suggestions I am open to hearing about them! (or if anyone cares to join me! )

Needless to say motivation is still motorin' away as I welcome the cooler temperatures, the fall colours and the prospect of new things that the change of season always brings.

Oh - and if anyone wants GG Cookies hit me up! Meaghs will take pre-orders ha ha