Giving Thanks

I have spent much of the past week in my head...my birthday being this past Saturday I was battling past demons and feeling sorry for myself that I had no one "special" to spend it with, that because I don't drink anymore that I was some sort of birthday pariah because I had no particular "birthday plans" and I was sort of dreading my birthday weekend. In retrospect, I think it was a part of my transformation that I had to endure. As I've mentioned before, it's not all physical. There is a great deal of emotional upheaval going on as well, my insides are changing as dramatically as my outsides. I could not be more wrong that I didn't have anyone special to spend my day with...Friday at work I was celebrated by my colleagues, and friday night was spent in the company of a good friend watching movies and just ... being ... as we like to call it. Saturday morning I woke up to an absolutely gorgeous morning and had good session at the gym, and a day spent with my daughter and my sister. M and I joined my folks for dinner and then spent the evening watching a movie together. Sunday was spent in the company of my second family, and today I have had some quality alone time, and will spend the rest of another gorgeous fall day enjoying the scenery that the Niagara Region has to offer, as well as yet another Thanksgiving Dinner, this time with my parents and my brother. I have spent the entire weekend with the most wonderfully giving and supportive and loving people I could ever ask for. They are beyond special and I have not for one moment felt like I have been lacking anything. I have been blessed with a second family who treat us like their own, and am lucky that there is no awkwardness in regards to the relationship between Meaghan, her dad, his girlfriend and I. We are truly one big happy family and Jamie is as much a part of it as Meaghan. My own family - I would have to devote an entire new blog to how amazing they are. This weekend has taught me that I am truly on the right path and once I got past the hurdles in my head I was able to truly enjoy the passing of another year, and cannot wait to see what the next brings. I have been blessed by many birthday wishes, and some very heartfelt messages that I will take with me on my journey. I am thankful for the things that I am learning that I am capable of - the changes I have gone through both physically and emotionally and the changes that I will continue to experience. I am thankful for the opportunities and adventures I have been able to have with my kids, and that they are kind, generous, charming, happy, smart and funny. We all have many things to be thankful for, and I hope that your list is diverse and easy to write. Happy Thanksgiving.

Embrace the Cookie

Well, I saw my first Christmas decorations in a store yesterday, and Christmas Carols have been played on the radio. (btw commercialism - an earlier start to the christmas season does not entice  me to spend more or get more in the holiday spirit so knock it off and let me enjoy my Halloween season unencumbered, kthanks) Thanksgiving (for us Canadians) is next weekend - along with *someones* birthday - and this for me is the kick off of  what I like to call Food Season. In the past my birthday and both of our thanksgiving dinners (one with my folks and one with the outlaws) were a cause to pretty much eat and drink as much as I could without throwing up (or sometimes with...depending on who I spending my birthday celebrations with - yeah TMI - sorry)  The last time I tried to lose weight, I made it through the first half of Food Season relatively ok (but by no means acceptable to my goals) but I fell off the wagon hard at Christmas. I am feeling very confident in this new lifestyle that I will make it through the Holidays with no issue whatsoever. My mental game is at an all-time high, which is a huge portion of the battle, and I am learning and growing comfortable with the fact that I can allow myself *some* wiggle room with food, as long as I maintain my goals. Now - that doesn't give me the excuse to stuff my face for one day, or indulge in a piece of cake or a drink...I know that some things will just make me feel nasty no matter how tasty it is going down. I know there are very different takes on "cheat" meals and allowing oneself a "day off" or  a meal or whatever but these are my own personal decisions. You do what you want to do, and I will do what I want to do and we will all be happy with the decisions we've made and that's what this is really all about - being happy with the decisions we make in life. If I eat a cookie lets say...I am going to eat it because I have chosen to eat that cookie, and I will not feel guilty about eating that cookie because it was a conscious decision to eat it. I have embraced the cookie. I ate the heck out of that cookie and felt good about it. I will not eat the cookie and then say "ugh i shouldn't have eaten that cookie...i feel so guilty for eating that cookie.."  and then reach for another cookie because hey - I've already failed myself so what the hell...That is a food fail. When we incorporate conscious thinking into the decisions we make - especially where food or other vices are concerned - we have the ability to become masters of our own domains (Seinfeld reference anyone? haha - offtopic)  Instead of reaching automatically for the bag of cookies, weigh out whether or not you really want one, think about why you want one and if its because dammit you just really want that cookie then have one but don't beat yourself up over it afterwards, and definitely don't use it for a jumping off point of absolute gluttony. You can't say "I want to lose weight" and not change the way you look at food and exercise. So by implementing a new way of thinking, and prioritizing your food goals, and by exercising conscious decision making in the kitchen you can actually set yourself up for absolute success with your weightloss, without having to "cheat".  Let's face it, the guilt associated with eating leads us to feel worse about what we are doing, and in turn, usually leads us to eat more (emotional eating anyone??) So if we remove the guilt by making - say it with me now - CONSCIOUS DECISIONS about what we are eating, we are already on the road to a better lifestyle. We do so much without thinking why we do it - we just follow along. When I started to think about what I was doing, and how I was letting people make me feel, everything started to change. It's definitely not easy but when you do something that positively affects your life, everything else just kind of starts to fall into place. So as I head into Food Season, I am doing it with the utmost confidence that I will make it through with flying colours (and even meet my goal of losing a bit more body fat before going into my bulking season - which is a whole different post with a whole different set of implications that I will get into another blog)

Saturday Morning Ramblings

A rainy Saturday morning and I couldn't be happier about it. I had nothing on the docket this weekend, and was looking forward to a couple rest days and getting caught up on some housework so this is perfect weather for it. Not to mention I love cooler fall weather and being snuggly as much as I love the summer so really - I am in Rainy Saturday Morning Heaven. Even with the mellow relaxed Saturday attitude I am fairly buzzing on the inside...I am so invigorated with the change of seasons and the progress I'm having at the gym. And not once but twice this week I have been given amazing compliments on my physique by relative strangers who are very involved in their own fitness that have really fueled the passion to continue. It is very hard for me to accept compliments and when they come I am reduced to a humbled mumbling mess but just so you know, the level to which they are appreciated is something I cannot express. Having said that I am very critical of my body and I think I have mentioned more than once (or at least once) that I wish I could see myself through someone elses eyes. If I ever forget to thank someone for their support, help, love, inspiration etc it is definitely not because I am not thankful - it is because i am trying to process the outpouring that you all have shown me. Even the doubters and naysayers give me something to work towards - and not because I have anything to prove to them, but because it gives me something more to prove to  myself. I LOVE talking fitness and health and nutrition and I am absorbing everything I can and love learning new things. I want to take this to a new level. I want to learn it and be certified and know what i am talking about when I help people when I've been asked for advice. I want to base it on more than just my own experiences. I want to know the human body and put that knowledge to work for myself and share it with others. I want to be someone my kids can look up to and give them the healthy habits that will take them into adulthood and not have to know the feeling of being uncomfortable in their own skin. I think I am doing ok on this front so far...now just to keep it up. I am most excited about my sons foray into health sciences once he graduates highschool and my daughters growing involvement in school sports. She is training for the cross country team and while she is racked with doubts and "what ifs" it has lended us the opportunity to talk about just trying and doing her best. She won't know what she is capable of doing if she doesn't at least try. And she is open to training at home so that will give us an opportunity to spend some extra time together. Running is something we can do together and I am inexperienced enough that I can keep up with her boundless amounts of energy.  So yes...buzzing like whoa and super looking forward to everything the future will bring. Even if its just scrubbing the toilet on this rainy day - its allllll good.

Back to school - and a new/old routine

I LOVE September. I am always ready to get back to a routine and normal schedule after the summer. Just having the kids back in school settles everything down - in other words I feel like I have more control. Luckily for me too, both my kids love school so it is never a chore to return. While my eldest is in his senior year of highschool and my youngest just entered grade 4, this year they are both in uniformed schools which seems to make the mornings run a little smoother. No fuss, no muss. Another new adjustment we have made is  my daughter now takes the bus to school - no more driving her in for me!! This is an added bonus for sure...she leaves at 8 to catch her bus which gives me 10-15 minutes to myself before leaving the house for work. No more rushing or dealing with the extra traffic and she isn't waiting around an empty school yard waiting for her friends to show up. So needless to say the return to school has been extra wonderful this year. My gym schedule hasn't changed much but I do need to get there a bit earlier to make sure I get everything in I need to do - this is nothing new, just back to "fall hours" (although I do recall saying at the beginning of summer how excited I was that I would have some extra time in the gym - really I just took extra time to hit the snooze button...)

Something new for this fall is a 2 hour gap I now have in my Monday evenings. My daughter has joined Girl Guides (not looking forward to cookie season at all!) and it is a great opportunity for BOTH of us to do something new! She is really stoked to go, and is super excited about the prospect of camping and canoeing so I hope this troupe makes good on that. And I am looking forward to 2 hours of "free time" - thinking of taking a fitness class of some sort...yoga or maybe something at the Y (since its included in my membership) so if anyone has any suggestions I am open to hearing about them! (or if anyone cares to join me! )

Needless to say motivation is still motorin' away as I welcome the cooler temperatures, the fall colours and the prospect of new things that the change of season always brings.

Oh - and if anyone wants GG Cookies hit me up! Meaghs will take pre-orders ha ha

A Real Test

In a few days I will be off on one of the biggest tests I have ever endured in my adult life...the family vacation. I am excited yet ridiculously nervous, for a few reasons, which I will share because I consider it a part of my journey towards a better me and thusly willing to open up to all of you who are following said journey.
      Number one - this will be the furthest I have ever been from my parents outside of my comfort zone in forever. They have gone away, but I have been home amongst my things, my other people and my/their home.
      Number two - its just the kids and I...I've taken them camping just the three of us but again - something I am familiar with and never far enough away from my comfort zone that I ever worried about anything. My kids are great and I am really not anticipating any issues, and we are familiar with the area that we are going to but it is still very foreign to me in the sense that I will have to have my big girl panties on at all times, and be the adult...not the adult-child travelling with mom and dad. I have never done anything like this where I couldn't just call them up and get some advice/help/a ride etc - make sense? Even when I've been a 2-3 day paddle from real civilization I've had someone more experienced with me to rely on. This time its just me, sucking up every ounce of fear I may have and going for it. (I know when I get back I'll say wow that was a piece of cake what was I afraid of blah blah blah...but right now, I want to pee  my pants a little..)
      Number three is that it will really test my goals of eating clean and keeping fit. As you know - I've been following a new 12 week program, and luckily said program has a really flexible schedule in that Gethin has a lot of rest days built in to it - in the last couple of weeks I have condensed the training days so that while we are away I will not miss anything, and come back to where I would be had I followed the schedule as writ. I plan to focus more on my 5k training while away because the hotel doesn't have a decent gym, but I can run anywhere - at any time.  (annnd I really need to get my butt in gear for the run or dye in September) I haven't taken this much time off from the gym since I started back in January but I am almost confident that not only will the rest do me some good, it will also help sharpen my focus when I get back.
      The other side to this as well is the nutrition portion. Because we are on a budget we will not be eating out for every meal, and will be buying a lot of our own groceries and doing some cooking so for that I am thankful. I can control what I eat, I have already scoped out some menus from restaurants around our hotel and  am fairly confident that between all the ocean time, walking and running that will be done I should be able to  maintain my progress and not have to worry about coming back to work off 5 lbs of vacation. I have zero intention of letting my training slide, and staying committed to my new lifestyle - but I tell ya...it's daunting having been so on it for the last 7 months.
      So - while I am incredibly excited to spend a week by the ocean, soaking up the rays, playing in the waves and having my need for visually stimulating eyecandy met thoroughly by the lifeguards who patrol the beach, I am scared to freakin' death of doing it on my own AND as a cleaneater/fitchick newbie. But hey - the good stuff happens outside of your comfort zone right?!

Clean Eating ... and stuff...

This actually kind of works a little in that Saturday will be pretty busy for me so I can sneak a blog in early AND answer all your questions at the same time. Anything I don't quite answer for you please feel free to shoot me a message and I would be happy to elaborate or help out in any way possible. Seriously. I love this stuff. Obsessed.

So what is clean eating...basically its eating natural REAL whole food. Nothing processed, refined, messed with, mucked up or otherwise garbage. Tosca Reno, the Eat Clean Queen defines it as "a lifestyle approach of exercise and a diet plan of unprocessed, whole foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, and void of artificial ingredients, preservatives, "chemically charged foods," sugars, saturated fat, and trans fat." If you can't pronounce an ingredient on a label you probably shouldn't eat it. And nothing should have more than a few ingredients. Organic is super, but it is becoming such a generalized "marketable" term, so be wary. Alcohol has sugar in it too so that's out too...FYI. No sodas, fruit juices - unless you're juicing your own...the good news is you can substitute a lot of this stuff and it may taste funny at first but as your body get accustomed to real, whole, natural foods you will start to see what you've been missing, and how crappy the crap actually is! And while I don't prescribe to the cheat meal, you can incorporate it into your week as long as its just a meal (not a full day!) and you get back to it. But fair word of warning, once you're used to the good stuff the bad stuff makes you feel HORRIBLE!!!

 The program (I hate to call it a diet because it really isn't - its changing the way you look at food and your body) focuses on eating 5-6 small meals a day, incorporating lean proteins, complex carbs and healthy fats at every meal which keeps the metabolism revved up and blood sugars steady which reduces the cravings, sugar crashes and binging.  One of the reasons why nutrition is so much more important than exercise (80-20) is that you can work your ass off in the gym but if you're feeding your body a bunch of garbage and you have a sluggish metabolism the fat isn't going to come from the right places. And it wasn't until I started eating clean (I'd say I'm roughly 90% clean depending on how hardcore you want to look at it) that i started seeing the results and I crushed the plateau I had been holding on to for months. 40 lbs in 2.5 years or 30 in 6 months ... you choose.

You know I love bodybuilding.com and they have an article about clean eating here that you can take a look at - with some principles laid out if you wanted to take a look. You can also check out some more of the principles here  - sort of a little simpler. I could regurgitate it all for you but they have pictures and its glossy and fun.

There really isn't anything special you need to do to eat clean - aside from maybe clear out your pantry and your fridge and re-stock. No special tricks for cooking - I couldn't cook very well before all this but everything just seems to work when you're dealing with just a few simple ingredients - some simple swaps and some openmindedness. Also, pre-prepare your food! I set aside some time usually on sundays before the work week or while I am making dinner to get a few extra meals made that I can pack and bring to work. I will make extra for myself when cooking dinner and some things are just so quick and easy! Cost wise I find that it actually works out a little better than eating processed...cooking staples can be purchased in bulk which means really I am just stocking up on fruits and veggies, my almond milk, protein and greek yogurt each week. Also if you're batch cooking you save yourself money that way too.

So basically, you can lose weight, have healthy hair, skin and nails, improved overall health, AND save some cash?! this keeps getting better.

So what do I eat? My staples are almond butter, greek yogurt, sugar free jam, quick cooking oats, tuna, avocado, fresh veg for salads, sweet potato, lemon/citrus for water (we keep a pitcher going in the fridge) broccoli, asparagus, brussels sprouts, and chicken chicken chicken. I have flax seed on hand, honey and organic maple syrup for sweeteners, unsweetened applesauce for baking and protein powder. A typical workout day looks like this:
530-600 - Pre-workout: banana
700 - Postworkout: protein shake, 1/3 cups egg whites scrambled, 1/3 quick oats cooked, mixed with 1.5 tsp sugar free jam and blueberries
1000 - rice cake with greekyogurt/sugar free jam spread or almond butter (1tbs)
1200 - 3-4 oz chicken (i get the fillets and bake them with coconut oil or olive oil, garlic salt and basil) 1 cup broccoli or asparagus and either a salad, 1/2 baked sweet potato, red pepper slices or some other veg. like carrots but they started hurting my tummy. 1/2 grapefruit and a protein ball (google angi greene's amazeballs...so good)
1500 (or 3pm - sorry i work in military time) - 100 grams plain greek yogurt with sugar free raspberry jam and another protein ball
1800/6pm 3-5 oz is a pretty close repeat to lunch. protein, a few veg, salad whatever.

I can hit anywhere between 1400 and 1700 calories a day which is in line with my bodyfat goal (not weight goal....bodyfat...)

Sometimes i will have a protein shake near the end of the night or as a delayed "dessert" and once in a while I will indulge in a Rivi's Gluten/guilt free cookie after dinner (which I just remembered I have - but now its too late ... boooo...) or a spoon of peanut butter right before bed. Peanut butter is a slow burning protein so it helps keep your metabolism going through the night and you wake up less hungry - at least I do. If I am not working out in the morning I will have a slice of ezekiel bread toasted with almond butter and blueberries on top. And on weekends I will usually cookup some protein pancakes (super easy)

Here is a grocery list to get you started with your clean eating. There are lots of simple recipes out there - and a lot of very involved ones as well if you're more cook-y than I am....here are a few to get you started:
Tomato Sauce - I add ground chicken or turkey and eat with whole wheat pasta
green beans and pecans with maple vinaigrette - i swear by this dressing and use it almost every day - also makes an amazing marinade for chicken
sweet potato and chicken hash
Blueberry protein pancakes - this is the extended recipe - I usually just use oats, eggwhites protein powder and blueberries - both are delicious
Dijon Cod and Asparagus

So there you have it. Clean Eating 101. Sort of ... at least some tools to get you started...do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you have any additional questions or comments...or if there is anything else I can help you with. I didn't get to where I am on my own and I never get tired of this... :)

short n sweet

I'm a day late on the Saturday A.M. blog but I had some sleeping in that needed to happen and that sort of threw my day off...then I was going to do it last night but went out which resulted in more sleeping in and then I had some gym and pool time to make up for so here we are Sunday evening...better late than never.



I am entering week 3 of the new program - Kris Gethins 12 week transformation over on bbcom and I am really enjoying it. I am sticking with my own nutrition plan (clean eating - which I do need to clean up a little more but I am working on it) but following his strength program pretty closely. Some things I need to use alternates but for the most part I am doing pretty well. It is really enjoyable and he is always switching things up. Far more interesting than the last program I was doing. The best part about it though is I am learning what I am capable with in regards to weight. I have pushed myself further and realized that I have been selling myself short which in turn is keeping me motivated and pumped to get into the gym every day. ok maybe I'm still having a hard time getting out of bed but once I finally get there its all hard work!


This is a short one this week - I did want to do a post on customer service, and how important it is to support one another on our fitness journey, but the words just weren't coming out the way I wanted them to - and Dexter is coming on shortly. But I am keeping good on my word that I would post at least once a week. So there.